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How to trust your partner again after they’ve lied to you



Cheating is probably the most obvious example of a devastating deception in romantic relationships, but even white lies can hurt and leave you wondering how to trust your partner. Maybe they said they loved your lasagna when in reality they dread pasta night.

Or perhaps the breach of trust was something more serious, like a giant credit card purchase made behind your back. Regardless of what your partner was dishonest about, any lie from a loved one—big or small—can shake your sense of security and lead to trust issues.

“The basics of any healthy relationship is trust,” Angie Sadhu, MS, LMFT, a therapist at Manhattan Marriage and Family Therapy, tells SELF. “For any romance to thrive, trust and open communication are necessary, and without them, conflict is bound to arise.”

For one, you tend to fight more when you’re doubting each other’s intentions, Sadhu says, and you run the risk of constantly monitoring and suffocating each other too. This tension can also bring about feelings of anxiety or stress—which can further strain your relationship.

The good news is that a lie doesn’t always mark the kiss of death in relationships. But that isn’t to say trusting your partner again, after they’ve given you a reason not to, is an easy feat. Beyond the obvious “I’m sorry” or “I promise I won’t do it again” from the offending party, rebuilding that foundation requires effort and commitment from both sides—as well as time—Sadhu says. And if you’re not sure where to begin, consider these practical ways to rebuild trust in your relationship, one step at a time.

Let yourself be angry, disappointed, or upset.

Even a relatively minor lie can trigger a whirlwind of emotions like rage, confusion, insecurity, or sadness. But as tempting as it may be to push these painful feelings aside, the first step in moving forward is embracing them head-on, Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, PhD, a New York–based psychologist and advisor for the Hope for Depression Research Foundation, tells SELF.

This can mean having a good cry if you need it, indulging in a vent session with a close friend, or just sitting with your uncomfortable feelings and observing them with curiosity and compassion. However you process your reaction to your partner’s actions, what’s important is acknowledging that there’s no “wrong” way to feel, Dr. Lira de la Rosa says, and that fighting your emotions will only prevent you from working through them.

Sit down with your partner and talk about what happened.

There might be dozens of questions swirling around in your head: Why did they lie to me? How could they do this? What else are they hiding? These doubts are completely normal, experts say, and it’s important that you get all the answers you need in order to move forward. (And if your partner isn’t open to addressing your concerns, gets overly defensive, or blames you for the deception, those are red flags worth paying attention to.)  

“It’s not going to be an easy conversation, and the idea of confronting your partner can seem overwhelming,” Sadhu says. “Talking about the betrayal requires a lot of patience and vulnerability from both sides.” 

Maybe you don’t want to hear the nitty-gritty details of an emotional affair, say, or perhaps you’re not ready to acknowledge how much it hurts when your partner disclosed your private mental health struggles to their friends.

But after the initial shock and pain subside, you should take some time to be honest with each other and discuss the elephant in the room, or else this issue will inevitably be the source of future, endless arguments, Dr Lira de la Rosa says.

Hear them out — as calmly as you can.

No one wants to hear excuses from a liar. After all, what could possibly justify months of cheating or even lying by omission? But when your partner does eventually explain the reasons behind their dishonesty, Sadhu recommends trying your best to resist the urge to interrupt or argue with them.

We know: This can be extremely difficult, but staying calm, cool, and collected can help a tough conversation go a little smoother, she says. Plus, it can prevent you from being overly accusatory, which will only deter them from telling you the truth in the future. 

If you’re not sure how to respond in a situation like this, Sadhu says it’s best to focus on using non-defensive language. For example, express your frustrations with “I” statements, like “I felt hurt by what you did” or “I don’t know if I can trust you again,” rather than “You don’t care about my feelings” or “You can’t be trusted.”

Keep in mind: You may not like all the answers you get, and no matter what your partner says, it won’t excuse any of their behaviours. But trying to remain open to hearing their side of the story, and expressing yours as calmly as you can, will foster the kind of healthy, honest communication you’ll need to get past the lie and rebuild trust, according to Sadhu.

Observe any changes they’ve made to become more trustworthy.

Okay, so you’ve talked it out and your partner sincerely apologized for their dishonesty and you want to forgive them. Now what? As you try to move forward, pay attention to the changes in their behaviour, Sadhu says. In other words, they’ve talked the talk, but can they also walk the walk? 

These adjustments might be gradual and subtle, which is why Dr. Lira de la Rosa suggests asking yourself: Does my partner apologize when they’ve done something wrong? Or do they default to defensiveness? When they feel hurt, do they share what’s troubling them? Or do they hide these feelings from me? 

No matter what kind of lie your partner told, taking accountability for mistakes and openly sharing feelings are both essential for rebuilding trust, she says. Plus, paying attention to their efforts to mend the damage (or lack thereof) can help you determine if they’re truly committed to changing, or if it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.

Resist the temptation to “helicopter” over them.

If your partner is really, truly sorry, they should be willing to follow their words with tangible actions. You’d probably expect them to hand over their phone and show you all their messages, say, or share their location with you 24/7. After all, they violated your trust, so it’s only fair, right?

Sharing passwords or peeking over their shoulder when they’re on social media can seem like the perfect solution to “get even,” but it’s likely to do more harm than good in the long run. 

One study published in 2020 found that cell phone snooping actually did the opposite of building trust: The constant surveillance was more likely to end in a breakup by increasing feelings of anxiety, distrust, and frustration. (Spending the next few days, weeks, or even months questioning and monitoring your partner’s doings and whereabouts may seem justified, but it isn’t a great start to rebuilding trust.)

So instead of watching them like a hawk, Sadhu suggests focusing on establishing some new expectations of what you need from them in order to trust them again—and make sure they’re comfortable with your requests too.

Think of it as a compromise: If your partner hid the extent of their suspicious “friendship” with a coworker, say, it might be unfair and unrealistic to expect them to ignore this person altogether. But are they willing to limit contact outside of the office? 

If your long-term goal is mutual trust, keeping a watchful eye on them or constantly questioning their loyalty won’t get you there, according to Dr. Lira de la Rosa. The urge to closely monitor their behavior makes sense, but “it can become a problem if you keep pushing them away or doubting them when they’re trying to be trustworthy,” he says.

Try not to dwell on the past and focus on the future, instead.

There may be times when things are going well, and out of nowhere you remember the lie and another argument begins. “It’s normal to ruminate on the betrayal,” Dr. Lira de la Rosa says, noting that it’s a common way humans cope with things we can’t really make sense of. “But after some time, dwelling on the past will only deepen the wounds and prevent you from being able to trust each other again,” he adds. 

If you’re seriously committed to overcoming the lie, forgiveness is necessary. No, that doesn’t mean forgetting your partner’s wrongs and absolving them of any responsibility.

But once you’ve talked through and processed whatever happened, Dr. Lira de la Rosa says your next goal should be enhancing your relationship going forward. You might plan date nights to reignite the spark that may have gotten lost, for example, tend to your sex rut, or maybe schedule weekly or monthly check-ins to address any lingering doubts or concerns. 

Remind yourself that it’s a work in progress.

Now for the million-dollar question: How long will it take for me to finally trust them again? The reality is that even if you follow each and every expert-approved step in this article, you’ll likely still have days when you’re doubting your partner’s intentions or staying up at night obsessing over their lie. 

“It’s not a linear process,” Sadhu explains. “Trust can be rebuilt, but it’s not as simple as receiving an apology, forgiving them, and bam, there’s the trust again.”

If you still have a hard time trusting your partner, even after they’ve shown you through words and actions that they’re truly sorry, you might benefit from seeing a mental health professional or attending couple’s therapy—alone or together—which can facilitate productive communication and offer tools for working through the betrayal. (Here are some tips for finding a culturally competent  and affordable therapist.)

What you’re going through is a process that will inevitably have ups and downs, and it’s important to remember that even though the lie itself is irreversible (what’s done is done), you and your partner can control how you approach the relationship going forward and possibly come out of the experience even stronger. 

Eye witness to any social issue, occurance or any form of information you would like to share, kindly send via Email : or WhatsApp : 0553506856 / 0246319949


10 ways women hurt men knowingly



Men, if you think you’ve got women all figured out, prepare for some surprises. Women are complex beings, and they can be quite unpredictable.

The person you think you know today may not be the same person you see tomorrow; and that’s just the way it is.

Women crave attention, love, and lots of it. They want to feel noticed and appreciated all the time. If you slip up on this even once, then you’re calling for trouble.

While some women may unintentionally do things that hurt their partners, others plan to do so deliberately. They set out to hurt your feelings and disrupt your life.

Here are 10 intentional things women do to hurt their men:

1. Complaining despite an honest effort

One way some women intentionally hurt their men is by complaining when their partners are genuinely making an effort.

This is often done to annoy or provoke a reaction. It may stem from a desire for more attention or a way to assert control within the relationship.

2. Not being present in the present moments

Frequently using a phone or being distracted when on a date is a behaviour that can hurt a man’s feelings.

It communicates a lack of interest or attentiveness, potentially causing emotional pain or frustration.

Some women would rather do this than tell the man she’s not interested.

3. Withholding compliments

Some women refrain from offering compliments even when their partners genuinely deserve them.

This can be a way to undermine a man’s self-esteem or keep him seeking validation, thus asserting a sense of power.

4. Not initiating intimacy

Intentionally avoiding initiating intimacy, especially when aware of their partner’s desires, can be a way to control the emotional dynamics in the relationship.

This may create a sense of longing and frustration in the man.

5. Hiding things, like food

Hiding things, such as food, can be a manipulative tactic used to gain financial advantage.

By creating a situation where the man believes there is scarcity, some women may attempt to extract more money from him.

6. Setting him up for trouble

In some extreme cases, women may resort to involving others, such as authorities or gangs, to harm their partners as a form of punishment or to ‘teach them a lesson.

This action can have severe consequences for all parties involved.

7. Taking everything when separating

A common occurrence, especially in urban settings, is when a woman packs up everything in the house and leaves the home without notice.

This act is often intended to leave the man feeling helpless, confused, and emotionally devastated.

8. Leaving a young child behind

In moments of intense disagreement, some women may leave a very young child, perhaps a month or two old, with their partner.

This act aims to assert control or inflict emotional pain, suggesting that the man needs her more than he thinks.

9. Taking all the children away

Without proper communication, some women may abruptly take all the children and leave, making it difficult for the man to maintain a relationship with his kids.

This action is intended to exert power and control over the situation.

10. Disrespect in front of friends

In the company of friends, some individuals may intentionally disrespect their partners.

This could be a way of seeking validation from friends, gaining support for their perspective, or demonstrating control over the relationship.

Eye witness to any social issue, occurance or any form of information you would like to share, kindly send via Email : or WhatsApp : 0553506856 / 0246319949
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‘Smoking shisha can cause breast cancer’ – Doctor cautions



Popular doctor, Dr. Aproko, has issued precautions to women who are fond of smoking shisha.

Dr. Aproko has stressed that contrary to popular belief that shisha soothes one’s mood, it can have major health implications on individuals, particularly, women.

According to him, the use of Shisha may cause cell distortions in the body, raising the chance of cancer-causing mutations.

He argues that these flavors frequently contain chemicals that are harmful to one’s body.

Tackling other health concerns including obesity, Aproko Doctor also advised that walking is a successful and healthy method of losing weight.

He has asked individuals to walk instead of taking buses or cars because regular, long walks can aid in weight loss.

Eye witness to any social issue, occurance or any form of information you would like to share, kindly send via Email : or WhatsApp : 0553506856 / 0246319949
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#NoBraDay-What is its significance?



October 13th is celebrated annually as National ‘No Bra Day’ in a bid to promote body positivity and breast cancer awareness.

What began as a social media campaign to promote self-love has transformed into a meaningful movement urging women to go braless for the day, emphasising the importance of breast cancer education, self-examination, and preventive measures.

Originally observed on July 9, 2011, National No Bra Day has found its permanent home on October 13 to align with Breast Cancer Month. This observance serves as a reminder for women to prioritize their breast health and engage in conversations about early detection and prevention.

The core mission of No Bra Day is to create awareness surrounding breast cancer, fostering a culture of understanding and support.

Women are encouraged to embrace the day by forgoing bras, sparking conversations about breast health, and advocating for regular self-examinations and screenings.

Breast cancer remains a significant global health concern, and initiatives like National No Bra Day play a crucial role in educating and empowering individuals.

By leveraging the power of social media and community participation, this movement continues to gain traction each year, amplifying its impact on breast cancer awareness.

National No Bra Day collectively contributes to the ongoing dialogue about breast health through shared experiences and open conversations with the aim to break down stigmas, encourage early detection, and support those affected by breast cancer.

Eye witness to any social issue, occurance or any form of information you would like to share, kindly send via Email : or WhatsApp : 0553506856 / 0246319949
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